Ep 68 How To Keep It Sexy

How to move a would-be beloved out of the friend zone and into the bed zone? How to reignite the passion of a long-term relationship when things are feeling as stale as week-old bread? In this episode, our Romance + Sex soothsayer Bela Gandhi pops in to give us ingenious tips on how to keep things fresh and sexy in relationships at any stage. Bela says no matter where you are on your relationship trajectory, you should clear at least 30 seconds every day for a melty delicious hug. We LOVE that. Listen in.


  • After dating a series of men that weren’t right for her, Bela did her own dating analysis in college and found that true love was in front of her the whole time. Her best friend Andy was really what she was looking for, so she moved him straight out of the friend zone, and 21 years later they are still madly in love (and still great friends).
  • One of the first steps to reconnecting in our long-term relationships is to be honest and self-aware when we feel disconnection, and willing to communicate our feelings.
  • It’s easy for women to look at their partner of many years and see only what’s wrong. Things start to shift for both people when each commits to noticing and appreciating the good.
  • One of the fastest ways to reconnect? Plan a fun, cool, sexy date night at least once a month. Set the rules of engagement to keep the conversation dreamy and romantic, and leave the talk about the kids, or money worries, or the leaking roof OUT.
  • While a long-term relationship is great and works for many, it may not work for everyone. Some relationships have their reasons and their seasons; you don’t have to stay and slog it out if it’s not working.
  • Hug it out! Bela says the 30-Second Hug is a game changer to connect with your loved ones and to regenerate oxytocin.

Mentioned in This Episode:

Pillar News:

  • The new Pillar Shop site is up and there are so many holiday goodies and fabulous gifts to treat yourself and your loved ones this season.
  • Dry Farm Wines — Special Pillar Life Offer: Buy One Bottle of Wine Get the Other for Only a Penny!
  • Notes To Self Socks are the perfect cozy and fashionable stocking stuffers, and now have holiday-themed sayings!
  • Beautycounter products! The lipsticks, the facial peels, and the skin-care products make cruelty-free beauty that much lovelier. Beauty Comes Clean.
  • Thanks to our friends at Tea Vibes, we can hydrate, cleanse, and calm the body before we deck the halls. Check out the Pillar Life T-TOX collection that includes the custom-made Pillar Life teas here.